Hit the road, Baby B!

In about 11 hours, we're packing up the car and heading six hours south to Atlanta to attend Dragon*Con, which runs from Friday through Monday. This is actually the first overnight trip we're taking with Baby B; it was hard to do that before because we don't travel much in the wintertime anyway, so we didn't do much when I was on maternity leave, then I returned to work with a negative vacation balance, in addition to the fact that it's hard to schedule out-of-town trips when I did not have consecutive days off work.

We've attended this convention for the past four or five years, but obviously this year is going to be a little more complicated with a baby in tow. But we'll do the best we can and I'm sure we'll still have plenty of fun. We don't have a laptop, so I won't be able to post until Monday night at the earliest, and probably more realistically it'll be Tuesday evening since we'll have a lot to do after we get home later on Monday. Hope everyone has a nice holiday weekend!

Sushi baby

There are certain people out there--you may be one of them, which is a good thing because then perhaps you'll better understand what I'm trying to say here--who experience some things in life a little differently than the average person. The people I'm talking about are the ones who seem to experience a spiritual high--almost a higher level of existence--when indulging in such things as chocolate, yoga, sushi, and, for some people, even pregnancy. People who like yoga typically don't just like it a lot--they love it, almost to the point of obsession. Same with sushi buffs. Then there's the people who say they must have some form of chocolate every day, otherwise they cannot function. And then there's the people who find pregnancy to be this utopian human state.

I've never really understood that feeling of a "higher experience" before. I didn't doubt that it existed, but I could never really come up with anything that I felt that strongly about in my life. Cheesecake? Sure, slice me up a piece, but I never found myself lifted to another dimension with each yummy bit. Cooking? Yes, I have fun with it, but it never took me to another level.

I recently realized, however, that is exactly how I feel about Baby B.

I get it now. Not necessarily in relation to yoga or chocolate, but I get it.

I love her. But I don't just love her. I love her. I love her with every cell in my body. When I watch her sleeping in her crib, I ache because I can't pick her up--even though she's less than a foot in front of me and I was holding her not that long ago. My whole day at work is spent anticipating that moment when I'll get to pick her up at daycare. I can't stop kissing her when she's within kissing distance. I become drunk upon inhaling her sweet baby smell.

She's better than chocolate. Or yoga. Or sushi. Or pregnancy. She's my baby.

As expected

I didn't have any specific images of what Baby B would look like before she was born; I didn't know what color hair she'd have (if any), I didn't know what color eyes she'd have, and I didn't know what her facial features would look like...yet now that I see her, it's exactly like what I envisioned my child to look like! I know that doesn't make much sense, but I can't explain it any better than that.

From which tree did this acorn fall?

Baby B is seven months old today (where did the time go?), and I thought it'd be fun to do a picture comparison of the three of us when we were approximately the same age. (Notice the three of us were bald babies?)

The Husband (check out the stylin' mid-'70s outfit):



Baby B:



Me:

Guest Post: Bully baby

Along with Baby B's new expertise in rolling around comes an awkward extra mobility in the lap. After finishing her bottle, she used to fall asleep on our chests; now she twists around to look at us and coo and smile and play. Which is wonderful! Except that the little doll has also recently discovered that Daddy wears glasses, and glasses are really fun to play with. I constantly have to stop her from yanking them off my face, especially when she's flipped over to play after a meal.

Tonight she devised an aggressive strategy to get the glasses: swing a little baby fist and sock Daddy right on the nose; while he's stunned for a second, snag the specs! Actually, she was probably just reaching for the bridge of the glasses first, missed, and try again, but the long and short of it is she punched me in nose and stole my glasses. What a little bully! I guess I need to warn the daycare.

Command o' crawling

Life as we know it is going to become way more complicated; Baby B figured out how to crawl today! Well, it's not a traditional hands-and-knees crawl like you might think but instead more of an army crawl/scoot on her belly. She'll start on her hands and knees at first, then soon go to her belly and grunt with every forward move she makes. We were cracking up because what caused her to crawl forward in the first place was going after The Dog's toy that was nearby. This is probably one of the most exciting milestones so far!

Judgment day

I felt so bad on Wednesday night that I went to bed at 8:45 p.m., pretty much as soon as I took care of a few things after Baby B went to bed at 8. I slept horribly that night and put in a half-day at work before heading home for the afternoon. I don't really feel better today, but I don't feel worse, either.

But poor Baby B! She wasn't herself yesterday after coming home from daycare; in fact, the two of us sickies slept on the couch for half an hour after she came home. We put her to bed a little early, and she woke up about every two hours just because she was sick and not feeling well. This morning she was worse--she woke up with her head and chest congestion, but she had labored, wheezing breathing on top of it. We decided to keep her home today, and The Husband took her to the doctor this morning. As expected, there's not really anything they can do for us, though her ears did look fine, so that was good (I was afraid of an ear infection since those often recur).

I have a job where certain things have to get done each week, because we're a weekly magazine that is published no matter what. (In the 100+ years the magazine has existed, only ONE issue has been missed, back in 2002 when we had a major ice storm that essentially paralyzed the city and knocked out power for a week in our buiding.) So on certain days, it's hard for me to call in sick, and I can't work from home, so I have to go in and get these things done. I know my co-workers hate it, but it's not like I want to come in. That's just how it is.

But what I love on top of having to deal with working while sick (mostly against my will) is all the judgments I get when they find out I mostly likely got sick from Baby B. "That's the problem with daycare...the kids are sick all the time." "I could never send my kid to daycare for that reason." It goes on and on. Thank you for the support, people. I know this happens. It's a drawback. Get over it. The way they look at me and say such things, you'd think I'd rolled her around in a vat of botulism before sprinkling on some malaria for good measure, then came into the office and licked all the keyboards.

She's my brown-eyed girl

Figured I'd share a few pics since I'm not feeling well at all with my cold and don't feel up to writing a post tonight.

I love her little open-mouthed smile:



She loves grabbing the tags on EVERYTHING, especially the Boppy after she's done eating. The look of wonderment here cracks me up:



One of my recent favorites:



Getting herself to her feet while attempting to crawl:

Pass the tissues!

One of the hazards of having a child in daycare, of course, is passing various illnesses among each other--not just the kids, but the parents and teachers, too. Prior to getting a cold back in mid-April (right before Baby B started daycare, so that wasn't the culprit then), it'd been almost two years since my last cold. My last cold before that was two years earlier. However, I'm at the beginning of my third cold since returning to work just four months ago, not coincidentally after Baby B started with a runny nose on Sunday night.

Thankfully she has no further symptoms this time, though I'm sure I won't be as lucky. I'm sure part of it is because my immune system is a bit compromised because I'm still nursing, so my body can't fight off these colds like usual. And part of it is because of the daycare exposure and the fact that even though I kiss Baby B less when either of us is sick, it's impossible not to exchange germs at some point. The kind of good thing about me being sick and nursing her is that it boosts her immunity to what I have, so I try to keep that in mind as I reach for the tissues to blow my nose yet again.

A mover and a shaker

Baby B's making strides (lame semi-word play intended) in the crawling department this week, utilizing a modified crawl/lunge/scoot to make her way in a general forward direction. She also started taking an interest in the cabinet handles on the bottom of the armoire that holds the TV and other electronics in the living room, so it looks like it's time to install some of the cabinet locks and strap the big furniture to the walls. We got the new outlet covers installed a few days ago, so we're slowly getting the house ready for Mobile Baby B.

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Baby B has this funny thing that she does when she takes a bite of something she really likes or when she's doing something else she really seems to be enjoying...her whole upper body will shiver as though she just felt a cold draft, and then she'll give a quick smile. Makes me laugh every time.

Almost human

Um. Well. Without getting too graphic, Baby B's dirty diapers have finally turned a little too human-like, if you get my drift, in the past few days. Ewww.

That's it...we're going back to feeding her only milk from now on! :D

Got milk?

(Okay, it's a super-simple, easy title for this post, but one I couldn't resist.)

I've noticed a decent-sized drop in my milk supply over the past month or so. Baby B seems to be getting enough when I nurse her, but when I pump, I'm getting about half (sometimes less) of what I used to get. I've tried some of the home remedies to increase milk supply, including oatmeal (which I eat every morning now) and fenugreek (which smells a little like toffee). I know my body's just adjusting to what she needs, but I still should be better about drinking water throughout the day; most of my water consumption is at night because I hate drinking a lot at work and having to go pee every hour.

I'm still getting a decent(ish) amount of milk when I pump, and I've still got a fantastic milk supply in the freezer that should last for months even if my milk completely dried up today, but the idea of my supply being lower makes me a little sad because it reminds me that my time nursing is finite. Much to my surprise, I've really enjoyed nursing, and part of me dreads when it's time to wean, which I still plan to do around a year old; for many reasons, I am not comfortable nursing much longer than that.

Coming to a living room near you!

I cannot describe how fantastic it is to get out of the shower and catch The Husband and Baby B, the two loves of my life, dancing around the living room and singing to songs on the XM Kids channel. It melts my heart.

Nesting dolls

This is an excerpt from Luscious Lemon, by Heather Swain. The "you" referred to below is a ten-week-old embryo that's growing inside the main character.

You are a girl, as your mother has suspected. Not that anyone can tell yet. But deep inside it's been determined, and you already carry the eggs of another generation, making your mother a temporary nesting doll, carrying her future grandchildren. Your grandmother carried half of your genetic material for a short time. Do you remember? Your mother is bookended by the two of you. Mother, daughter. She is forever both now.

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I love this passage and wish I'd read it when I was still pregnant with Baby B. The thought of me carrying both my child and half of my future grandchildren is a concept that's so simple, yet it's quite profound. It nearly gives me chills.

Mom genes

I have a very strong, close history of female cancers in my family. My mom is a cervical and breast cancer survivor. My maternal grandmother died of ovarian cancer. My paternal grandmother died of uterine cancer. My maternal great-aunt died of breast cancer. I believe another of my mom's relatives was recently diagnosed with breast cancer, as well.

My annual ob/gyn appointment was this past Monday, and he wants to be a little more proactive with my care as it relates to the cancer history. He still thinks a mammogram wouldn't be beneficial for me for a few more years unless something alerts us to needing one. (Younger breast tissue doesn't show abnormalities as well as older breast tissue that is more fatty.) He does want me to start coming in twice a year, though, once for my pelvic and breast exams, and another time just for a breast exam. And yes, he knows I do this monthly, but again, he wants to be more proactive with this.

He also wants me to meet with a geneticist to see if I'm a candidate for blood work that would determine if I'm a carrier of any breast cancer genes. Carrying such a gene would not guarantee I would get cancer, but it would increase my chances. With such a strong family history of these cancers, I have always assumed that I carry some sort of gene that would increase my risk more than the typical woman, so I think I'd be emotionally prepared for such information. I've got an appointment set up for September 10 to go over a family history with the geneticist, but I'm in the process of doing some research and may cancel the appointment after thinking about it some more.

For one thing, this testing can cost thousands of dollars. If this is something my insurance company decided not to pay for--and they often do not pay for this kind of elective testing--this is not something we could afford out of pocket right now with a deck that needs to be fixed and a refrigerator on the fritz--oh yeah, and a baby.

But what concerns me more right now is the possible implications it has for health care and life insurance coverage in the future. Despite national, state, and local health care privacy and discrimination laws, they do not necessarily include things like genetic testing within their scope. An insurance company has a right to drop or deny me coverage based on a positive result if they wish because I'd be too much of a risk for them. I looked at my current policy, and they do specifically say that they do not consider a positive result on a genetics test to be a pre-existing condition that could deny coverage; denial of coverage must be based on an actual diagnosis. However, that's not a guarantee that other health insurance companies would have that same policy (and it's unlikely I'll have this current policy for the rest of my life, so at some point I'll be forced to switch). And who's to say that in the future, changes wouldn't be made that specifically allow an insurance company to deny coverage based on carrying a defective gene? It's scary territory, especially since a lot of this is so new, and just thinking about this issue alone makes me lean toward canceling my appointment.

And the kicker is that there's virtually no one to ask and get an honest answer from. It's doubtful that an insurance company would come out and admit that they'd discriminate against me if I got a positive result. Of course the geneticist is going to want to perform her services, so she's unlikely to tell me all the negative ramifications such a test could have. (Or, more likely, she may acknowledge it, but instead downplay it.) And again, no one can possibly tell me what consequences this revelation could have in the next 10, 20, 30, 40 years.

I may ask my mom if she's ever considered being tested for the gene, because if she doesn't have it, then it looks better for me. However, I'm not sure how willing her insurance would be to cover such a costly test when it doesn't directly benefit her health but rather the health of her descendants.

The big advantage to doing the test is then performing more frequent screenings, and that's pretty important considering cancer survival often depends on early detection. At this point I'm torn. I want to be proactive and cautious of my future health, but I also don't want to be naive about the potential major drawbacks. And to think that I possibly passed along a gene--not just a breast cancer gene but any defective gene--to Baby B that could negatively impact her just breaks my heart.

Gravity spot

Baby B has finally figured out that she can drop objects on purpose now when she's sitting in her highchair and we'll go after it and pick it up for her. She doesn't laugh (yet) when she does this, but you can just tell she's very pleased with herself with the smug look on her face. She kept doing this over and over and over again with her baby car keys, and we couldn't help but crack up every single time. I'm sure this will get real old real fast, but I'm just amazed that she's pieced all this knowledge together to be able to do this.

Clean? Check. Safe? Check.

We were pleased to find out today that Baby B's daycare received a 100--the highest possible score--on its recent inspection by the health department. That definitely gives us even more confidence in the place where she spends her time away from us.

Can we have an update, peas?

The visit with The In-Laws went well (except for the broken deck), though it went by too quickly. The were of course smitten with Baby B (but did we really expect it any other way?), as she was completely entertaining for everyone. She came close to crawling several times, but she still hasn't quite figured out how to move her arms forward. Once she does that, I think she'll start to take off!

We're looking at our options with the deck, and it looks like it might be easiest to fix it without making a homeowner's insurance claim. A friend of my family has built many decks over the years, and he's offered to come over and look at it to see if it can be repaired, then help with fixing it, and all we'll be responsible for is the cost of the supplies. He's probably not going to charge us for his labor, but of course we'll give him something to show our appreciation if he's able to help. Hopefully we'll know something more this weekend.

It looks like it collapsed because the bolts that secured it into the house were way shorter than they should have been. I have my suspicions that the previous owner of the house (who built the deck when he lived here) did the job on his own and did not hire a contractor or anything. I also suspect he did not get it inspected, but I have nothing really to prove that. We've tried to contact him to find out more, but have yet to hear anything back.

Anyway, back to Baby B news. We had her try peas for the first time today, and I was expecting it to taste more bitter to her, thus more funny faces. The camera was at the ready. I was pleasantly surprised, however, to find out that she loved the peas and didn't once contort her face!

It's funny because with every batch of baby food we've made, I've found myself taking a bite of it before giving it to her, just to see how it tastes. I realized today that it's probably a good way of deciding what foods to give her...I shouldn't give her anything that I wouldn't eat myself. Seems kind of obvious in a way, but I hadn't really thought about it in those terms.

Mom-inflicted pain

Do you ever get that feeling when something bad has happened, then you try to go about other tasks, but there's still that sense that something bad has happened that lingers deep in your bones, even if you're not thinking specifically about what happened? That feeling gnaws at you, taunting you to make you feel worse.

Okay, I've built it up bigger than it really is, but I definitely have that uneasy feeling inside from something that happened earlier. Baby B was tired, so we were trying to get her to nap. She is not a good napper, so this is not an easy task generally, then it was even more difficult with The In-Laws here. I tried putting her in her crib, but she thrashed and cried and I knew she wasn't going to sleep there, so I decided to try the swing.

I put her in it, and we have to attach the tray all the time now because she likes to lean forward and could easily fall out, even with her safety belt. I was careful not to pinch her little thighs when I snapped on the tray, but apparently I forgot to make sure her legs were positioned okay. She started crying immediately, then got even more insistent and red-faced about it, but I thought she was still just fighting the nap so I just rubbed her head at first. Soon I realized I'd wedged her toe under the tray and it was hurting her. I immediately felt sick on the inside and took off the tray and comforted her. From the time I put her in the swing to the time I picked her up was less than a minute at the most, but I couldn't help but feel bad. I know things like this happen, but I hate that I'm the one who caused her to cry so desperately. And for right now, I just can't shake that feeling of dread.

This comes on the heels of an incident last night where we adults were sitting on our deck chatting while enjoying a nice sunset when out of the blue our deck collapsed. No one was standing up; no one was even moving at all. It was only 2 to 3 feet off the ground, and no one was hurt, but it was very scary at first, and I can't get out of my head how bad it could've been, especially because The Great-Grammy was on the corner of the deck that collapsed. Thankfully Baby B was already in bed at the time and was nowhere nearby.

Guest Post: Midget rasslin'

Most days, when Baby B arrives at her daycare, one of her "baby friends" is also one of the early arrivals. "Baby M" is slightly older than Baby B, to the point that she is crawling around, but not yet walking. We joke that they're best friends, but now that Baby M is mobile she's showing plenty of real interest in Baby B.

When Baby B gets down on the play mat, Baby M quickly crawls over to her and touches her toes or hair, or tries to steal away a toy, and Baby B just loves the attention. She smiles and coos and laughs, and grabs back at Baby M. Sometimes they get so tangled up, it looks like a baby wrestling match! It's really sweet seeing them interact, without any grown-up encouragement or interference. It's a small step, but one more that highlights how fast Baby B is growing up.

And who knows? Maybe Baby M will get her up and crawling sooner!

(Expect more contributions from Baby B's dad in the future!)

How do ya like them apples?

Last night was the first night of apples, and it was amusing, to say the least. With nearly each bite, she'd make a funny face as though she were eating something sour and then would make a fake gagging face. We were using red delicious apples, so I'm sure they were a little sour compared to, say, squash, but it's not like we were using genuinely sour apples. Pretty funny to watch, though I personally love sour things so much that I proclaimed that she must not really be my child.

We tried apples again tonight, and it went perfectly! She leaned in to each bite, as usual, and was ready for the next bite before I could get the spoon back to the bowl. So far we've had quite a bit of fun with this new adventure.

Thumbody looks tired

There's so much I love about this picture! First, I love that Baby B is starting to figure out how to get her knees under her, which is key in being able to crawl. She still requires a lot of effort to get on her knees, but she's at least figured out this is a good thing to do. But I love that doing this took up so much of her energy that she had to take a break in the middle to lean down and suck her thumb! This girl cracks me up.

(And I love the fact that the turtle beside her looks like it's going to start crawling, too!)

Sticking out

I had a couple of comments/questions about Baby B sticking her arms and legs through her crib slats on a previous post, so I figured I'd answer that since I don't have much energy to write a real post, as the past two nights have been spent cleaning the house after Baby B went to bed in preparation for The In-Laws' visit this weekend (this is The Husband's dad, stepmom, and grandmother).

So, appendages through the slats. She did this several times, mostly with her legs (though her upper thighs are big, so they could only go so far), and got them wedged in there at an angle that made it impossible for her to get it out by herself. I don't think she was ever in any genuine pain from it, but each time she did it, she had a different cry that made me know what she'd done before I even entered the room. I was correct every time I suspected it, just based on this altered cry. So far the bumpers seem to be doing their job and we haven't had any cries of "Hey, mom, I got my leg stuck again!" in the past few days.

Signs you know you're really a mom

*You start referring to yourself in the third person and don't think twice about it.

*You make silly faces at the dog and wonder why he doesn't respond with a giggle.

*You begin to give people a very wide range of time of when to expect you because you're now on Baby Time: "We'll be there between noon and Tuesday!"

*You start to forget your own first name because you're so used to being referred to as "(Baby)'s mom."

*You grab your boobs, but not in any sensual kind of way--you're just trying to see how full of milk they are.

*You don't mind when someone asks how the baby's doing first rather than how you're doing; your state of well-being is usually directly tied to the baby's anyway.

Bumpers and knees and gourds

We decided not to buy a bedding set when putting together the nursery because we didn't want to use the traditional bumpers since we did not want to worry about the SIDS and suffocation risks associated with them. We decided we'd wait and see if a bumper became necessary, and if so, then we'd get one of the breathable bumpers. In the past couple weeks, Baby B has managed to wedge her little legs and arms (but mostly her legs) in between the slats of the crib to where she couldn't get them unstuck, so the time came to get a breathable bumper, which we did today.

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Several times today Baby B managed to get her knees underneath her when she was on her tummy. She can also lurch forward a few inches at a time, but so far she hasn't put those two actions together yet. Once she figures that out, then it's Crawl City for this baby. We bought many babyproofing supplies while we were out today, so we'll start putting those around the house in the coming weeks (or sooner if necessary).

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Tonight was the first night of yellow summer squash, and it went really well. In fact, she finished a whole squash all by herself (it was a pretty small one, though).

Just wait until...

One of the things that bugged me when I was pregnant was when I would mention something about my pregnancy, and the instant response I often got was, "Just wait until..." or "You think that's bad? It'll be much worse later." I did understand that people just want to share their stories, but at the time it felt like the experiences I was going through at that particular time were being minimized or brushed aside when someone would say that.

Then a couple days ago, I caught myself about to do the "just wait until..." thing I used to dislike so much. Thankfully this happened in an IM conversation and I realized what I was doing before I sent the message, but it still annoyed me a little that I did this. I'm definitely going to have to keep an eye on that; my intentions, of course, are good, but I don't want what I say to be misinterpreted as brushing off another person's current experience.

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Avocado was a HIT tonight! She fussed a few times, but went right back after the spoon--and actually finished the whole thing! A whole (though very small) avocado, all by herself!

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Also, she was really pushing herself up a lot earlier tonight. Not all that much forward movement tonight, but she was quickly proving that she has way more arm strength than me!

On the move

Looks like Baby B is even closer to crawling than I realized. This evening when she was on the floor, she had her arms in front of her, lifted up her hips several inches, and thrust her body forward by pushing against the floor with her feet. It was definitely more of a deliberate move than the previous inching forward mentioned yesterday. I know it's still probably going to be a while before she's wheeling around the living room for real, but seeing her progress is so exciting!

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Nights two and three of avocado went better than the first night. She still isn't overly crazy about the taste, but she's very eager to take the next bite. One more night of that tomorrow and then over the weekend we'll move on to some squash that we picked up at the farmer's market this week.

My little inchworm

Baby B is still a ways from real crawling, of course, but she's definitely making moves in that direction. She's been able to spin herself around on the floor pretty easily for a while, but now she's able to lurch forward about two or three inches at a time, especially when she pushes off something with her feet. It's so hard to fathom the fact that she was just a helpless creature who only slept, ate, and pooped not all that long ago. How is this the same person?!