The alien within

I'm not one of those people who reads into every pain or twitch and decides that I have what I'm hoping for. In fact, I'm the opposite and I always try to look for a way to explain things away so I don't get my hopes up. Before I found out I was pregnant, I looked for any excuse but pregnancy to explain any symptoms I might have felt. Once the nausea hit, I wrote it off for the first day or so, thinking I could have just eaten something bad. I don't like to cry wolf.

But I think I've started feeling little flutters this morning, and no matter how many things I try to explain it away with (gas, Zofran side effects, new cereal disagreeing with me, whatever), I just know in my gut that it's really flutters I'm starting to feel. And that has me a little bit freaked out.

But why?

This is normal, and everyone experiences movement for the first time at some point. Probably because it's yet another thing that's confirming this is real...and it's really happening to me. My brain knows I'm pregnant, but my heart is having a harder time accepting it, afraid of being hurt if it doesn't work out. At a certain point, I will no longer be able to deny it. And it looks like that time is approaching.