A bump in the road

"The best-laid plans of mice and men often go awry."--Robert Burns

So, just when you think things in life are finally trucking along just fine--you have a wonderful husband, a loving marriage, a fantastic first house, and finally a baby on the way after a rocky start there--life has a way of taking you by the shoulders and shaking you violently to bring you back to reality.

We found out yesterday that The Husband (whom I've neglected to mention much here mostly for privacy reasons but also because I wanted to keep this blog focused on my experiences) lost his job when his position was eliminated, effective immediately. This pretty much came out of the blue, and I think we're still both stunned by what has happened in the last 15 hours. We both lost our jobs on the same day back in 2001, but at the time we were not married, we did not have a mortgage to pay, neither of us had a car payment (we have one now), and we certainly did not have a child on the way in less than six months, for whom we have bought literally nothing.

And of course we have company coming this weekend, when the last thing I feel like doing is entertaining.

I cannot let myself think too much about the financial implications of this, or else I become overwhelmed with wondering how we're going to make this work if he has trouble finding a new job--yet it's all I can think about. I can't shut my mind off. The Husband made well over half of our combined income, so to have that taken away is quite a blow. We're trying to stay as positive as we can about this and look at it as a new opportunity. There's no point in lamenting how unfair this is, because that's not going to get us anywhere. At this point, we just have to look forward and march on. He's focused on finding a new job, and I'm focused on looking at our expenses and figuring out where we can cut back, especially if he's unemployed longer than his severence pay (two months) will cover. And, of course, the big one: What if he doesn't find a job before the baby is born? How are we ever going to pay for all the things we need--a crib, clothes, diapers, medical costs? Babies are not cheap. I know we'll naturally get a lot of stuff as gifts, but that just puts a small dent into the necessities.

And then there are the other things that are not as obvious that I worry about, some small and some big. If he gets a new job soon (which hopefully is the case!), he may not be able to go with me to what I consider one of the most exciting appointments I'll have--when we hopefully find out what we're having--since he may not be somewhere that's as flexible with his time off. That'll be a disappointment, but of course not the end of the world. And what happens when baby comes in February and he either doesn't have vacation time built up or doesn't have the flexibility to take off then? I'll have to wing it alone at home by myself, when that's such an important time for the family to be spending together.

I know we're not the first ones to go through this, and plenty of people have made it just fine. But somehow that's just not all that comforting right now. The hardest part is the uncertainty of it all. If I could just see into the future and know that there's a great job waiting down the road, then I could sleep a little easier at night. But until then, I'll continue to toss and turn and play out every scenario in my head on a repeating loop. Life sucks sometimes, and I know that. I know we'll be stronger people in the end, blah blah blah--but right now that just feels like a bunch of horse crap.