In the spotlight

I've never been one to favor the spotlight. I'm usually much happier being part of the background, part of the crowd. In general, I try to avoid doing anything that will bring attention to me, and if it happens despite my efforts, I'll do anything I can to take the focus off me. My wedding and baby showers, while quite lovely and something I certainly appreciated, were not relaxing because the focus was on me. One of the reasons we had a very small wedding (22 adults) was because I certainly don't want to be the center of attention in front of a large crowd. I hate to sneeze around other people because it brings attention. I think you get the picture.

It turns out that having a baby brings you quite a bit of attention whether you want it or not.

Now, of course, nearly all of it is well-meaning, and I completely understand that and do appreciate all the kind comments and well wishes. All I'm saying is that it makes me slightly uncomfortable at times. I'll talk about Baby B all day long with people I know, but it feels weird when I'm forced to have artificial conversations about being a mom with co-workers or strangers.

And at restaurants and stores, I never realized just how many people make comments about a baby as they walk by. However, it's rarely addressed directly to us, so it feels weird to say thank you if, for example, they say she's cute, but it feels rude to have these things said within earshot and not acknowledge them somehow.

You'll be happy to know that I've nearly survived my first day back at work (just an hour to go!), which mostly consisted of going through the 4,000 e-mails I'd received and deleting all the non-important ones. Real work will resume tomorrow. I don't normally work Mondays, but I started back on a Monday this week because I knew there weren't as many people in the office (we have a lot of people who work on Sunday, usually myself included, so they're off on Mondays), so I figured I could ease back in without every person stopping by my desk. I've made it my task tonight to figure out a good answer for, "How's Baby B doing?" since I'll be talking with more co-workers tomorrow. I find that people aren't quite satisfied with "oh, just fine!" and then changing the subject as an answer (I told you I try to get the spotlight off myself!), yet I know they don't want me to launch into the mind-numbing detail I could go into about her if I let myself. Gotta find the happy medium.