Wishful thinking

For the first time yesterday, Baby B has actually felt a little heavy when I was holding her. I know she's not really--she's still probably around 10 pounds or just a little less--but yesterday was the first time that I really noticed her weight in my arms (and also later when carrying her in the sling). I can really tell in the past week or so that she's had a little growth spurt height-wise, too. In a way, it makes me so excited to see her grow and achieve new milestones each day, yet it's a little sad at the same time, since I know she's never going to be this small again.

I'm really trying to appreciate the time I get to spend with her now, since I'm not going to get to stare at her all day when I return to work. It really makes me wish that we could work it out financially to let me stay home with her and not go back to work. I've told myself for years that I'd return to work after having a baby because I wanted to, that I needed that adult time and something that's my own thing. And I do feel like that most of the time, but the fact is, I have to go back. I think it could work to stay home, but not very comfortably and certainly not with any extra money to put toward savings, even if I worked part time. So, even though I know we can provide better for her if I continue to work full time, I'd be lying if I said I'll be returning to work because I want to 100%.