Tuesday, March 20, 2007

When I look into my daughter's eyes

In an instant, you go from big belly to bouncing baby. From pregnant to parent. All the worry that you had before--Will this baby make it make it past the first trimester? Is she healthy? Will she be born at full term? Will I have any complications at delivery?--dissolves instantly and a new set of worries rushes onto the scene to take over. Will I love her enough? Can I give her what she needs, especially when I can't tell what she needs? Will she continue to be healthy? But when I look into my daughter's eyes, the internal and inevitable worry subsides (even if just temporarily) and I know that all is right with my world.

When I look into my daughter's eyes, I get a brief glimpse of the future--hers, mine, and ours as a family. I see her running into the house to tell me about the new friend she made in kindergarten. I see us laughing and frolicking in the ocean on family vacations at the beach. I see her studying for her history test at the kitchen table while nibbling on some cookies that I made. I see The Husband and I sitting so proudly in the audience at her high school graduation. I see the two of us going out together to choose an outfit for her first real job interview.

When I look into my daughter's eyes, I can see exactly the kind of person I want to show her how to be...kind and empathetic, generous and unselfish, fun and loving, happy and appreciative of life. She is a clean slate right now, and we have the power to influence who she is and what she values in life.

When I look into my daughter's eyes, I realize that all the minor annoyances of life don't really matter; the only thing that matters is protecting her, loving her, nurturing her, and being her guide during her introduction to this big, scary world.

When I look into my daughter's eyes, I can see in a tangible form just how much my husband and I love each other and how committed we are to each other.

When I look into my daughter's eyes, I feel an incredible sense of pride for who she is and who she will become, what she has learned so far, and all the little milestones she's already achieved in her short life. If the pride is this overwhelming now, I can only imagine how great it becomes as time elapses.

When I look into my daughter's eyes, a sense of sadness comes over me when I realize she's going to have to learn about all the hatred in this world and how not everyone is a good person. As much as I'd like to shield her from such realities, I know that's not possible.

When I look into my daughter's eyes, I want to do everything I can to be the ideal person that she sees me as. To her, I have no faults, and while that's not really true, I want to become that perfect person she sees.

WhenI look into my daughter's eyes, I see the untainted optimism of innocence that she possesses for now. I wish the world could be as simple as she views it. She lives in the here and now, as perhaps we all should.

When I look into my daughter's eyes, I come to the realization that she would not be here if my first pregnancy had worked. Not that her life is more valued than the life of that child would have been, but I can't imagine my life without this gorgeous daughter of mine, and I know she would not exist if pregnancy #1 had been successful. All paths, including those that caused quite a bit of hurt, have led me to this point in my life.

So, when I look into my daughter's eyes, I quickly realize it was all worth it.


At March 20, 2007 7:35 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

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At March 20, 2007 8:08 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Darnit D, why did you have to make me cry this early in the morning. That was absolutely beautiful. Baby B is so lucky to have you as a mom, I know you are going to give her all of that and more, you are so sweet.

At March 20, 2007 11:27 AM, Blogger The Town Criers said...

This is such a gorgeous post. I just put it up. Thank you for sending it my way.

At March 20, 2007 12:13 PM, Blogger BellaLovesPink said...

Absolutely beautiful!

At March 21, 2007 7:13 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Thank you! You always have the right words. I struggle to find the words to express myself like this. Having a child really does change your entire life.

At November 10, 2015 8:03 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...



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