Wednesday, June 07, 2006

Life lessons

Some things I've learned over the course of the last seven months:

I've learned just how much I want kids. We both wanted them before, but coming close and having one taken away really solidified that decision even more than it had been already.

I've learned how much you can really miss something that you had for such a short amount of time.

I've learned that bad things really do happen to good people. I've always had a bad case of "never gonna happen to me" syndrome...I see things like tornadoes, earthquakes, plane crashes, etc. on TV, but I never think bad things like that will happen to me. But it did, and it's very heartbreaking. Quite the reality check.

I've learned that getting excited about plans for the future really causes you to crash hard when that bubble bursts.

I've learned that other people really do mean well, but they don't know how to show it sometimes. Related to that, I've learned that it's okay to not feel better right away like everyone else wants you to.

I've learned that picking up the pieces and moving on involves returning to the normal routines of everyday life. I took a few days off work after the miscarriage, which I'm glad I did, but I really started to feel more normal once I went back to work and do my usual things. Life has to go on, even if the life inside me did not.

I've learned that life isn't fair. It's something that everyone kind of already knows, but something that really hit home with me recently. How can so many people get pregnant accidentally and carry a baby to term and the people who want them have this happen?

I've learned that my husband is a very caring and supportive person and was grieving just as much as I was. He's an amazing partner, and I'm fortunate that it brought us closer together instead of driving us apart (which isn't uncommon).

I've learned that some people I thought would be supportive were not, and I've learned that some people I did not think would be supportive were.

I've learned that each person's experience with miscarriage is different and each person heals at their own rate.

I've learned that all the "what ifs"--and there are a bunch--drive you crazy, so it's best not to go down that road. There's nothing I can do about it now, so I might as well look ahead and focus on that instead of all the "what-might-have-beens."

I've learned there's no way to completely prepare yourself for a miscarriage. You can look at all the statistics you want and know it's a realistic possibility (and I did), but it doesn't prepare you for what comes when it happens.


At June 07, 2006 7:50 AM, Blogger serenity said...

Yep, it's totally unfair that there are so many women in this world who want a baby so badly have to struggle to have one.

But the silver lining is that it's reinforced how much you both want to be parents - and it'll make you never take having your children for granted. You WILL be better parents for it.

Keep the faith - this pregnancy is a new one... a new chance for you to bring your baby into the world. Statistically speaking there's a good chance that this one will make it. I know it doesn't feel that way right now...

I am sending you every conceivable sticky vibe I've got. Hang in there.


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